Short Skirt Long Jacket
by T Bond aka tbondrage99
Summary: One Shot. The last of my old stories that I'm re-posting. Jeff Hardy muses about his dream girl, while Matt and Lita get more and more annoyed by the second. Please Read & Review!


DISCLAIMER: I DONT OWN THE WWF OR ANYTHING WWF RELATED...I DONT OWN THE SONG EITHER THAT BELONGS TO CAKE....NOW read on....  
  
NOTE: Yet another reposting, I think this might be the last one from my old account that didnt get reposted...but it is now! This one was also written a nice while ago, I think just prior to Survivor Series 2001  
  
Jeff whatced on as his brother Matt and Lita were sucking face.  
  
"You guys make me sick!" He yelled. Matt and Lita stoped there fun for a bit and looked at Jeff.  
  
"Why?" Matt asked.  
  
  
  
"Cause you two are always swaping spit!"  
  
  
  
"Oh your just jealous cause you dont have a girlfriend...oh by the way Matt heres your gum..." Lita said taking the gum out of her mouth and passing it back to Matt.  
  
"Geez how did that get there?" Matt said.  
  
"Oh yeah I wonder!" Jeff yelled.  
  
"Listen Jeff if its upsetting you that much then maybe I could help you look for a girl." Matt said.  
  
"Really? You would do that for me?" Jeff asked.  
  
"Hey your my lil bro....I dont think I have a choice...besides...the sooner you get a girl the sooner you will leave me and Lita alone!" Matt said.  
  
"Your so sweet Matt! Helping Jeff find a girl!" Lita said smiling at Matt.  
  
"Oh please! You guys are getting as mushy as Spike &Molly!"  
  
"No one is that mushy Jeff...." Lita said.  
  
  
  
"I know but still....if you just dont knock it off you may come in at a close second!" Jeff Said. Matt rolled his eyes.  
  
"Ok Jeff forget about all of that...Im gonna help you get a girl so tell me lil bro? What are you looking for in a girl?" Matt asked.  
  
"Me? Oh geez I dont know....theres so much..." Jeff said scratching his head.  
  
"Well tell me all of them....and maybe I can help you find a better girl then Trish."  
  
"HEY!!! Theres nothing wrong with Trish....She just happens to be gone at the moment..."  
  
  
  
"Thank god!"  
  
"You know Matt this makes me think of something..."Lita said  
  
"What?" Matt asked. Lita smiled at Jeff then pulled Matt closer to wisper to him."  
  
"You better get another girl for Jeff fast before Trish comes back or we'll be stuck with that slut!" She wispered.  
  
"What?" Jeff asked. Both Matt and Lita put there hands up in there defence.  
  
"Nothing nothing at all!" Matt said.   
  
"Now about that girl...Tell me EVERYTHING you want in a girl!"   
  
"Everything?" Jeff questioned.  
  
"EVERYTHING!" Matt repeated.  
  
"Well I guess in that case I can best say it in song."Jeff said smiling.  
  
"WHAT!?! NO JEFF DONT SING PLEASE!!!" Lita begged.  
  
"To bad! You wanna know what I want in a girl this is everything I want in a girl!" Jeff said.  
  
"Lord help us all..." Matt said just before Jeff broke out in song descibing the perfect girl.  
  
"I want a girl With a mind like a diamond  
  
I want a girl Who knows what's best  
  
I want a girl With shoes that cut   
  
And eyes that burn Like cigarettes  
  
I want a girl With the right all ocations   
  
Who's fast and thorough   
  
And sharp as a tack  
  
She's playing with her jewelry   
  
She's putting up her hair   
  
She's touring the facility And picking up slack  
  
I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnng jacket......  
  
I want a girl Who gets up early I want a girl Who stays up late  
  
I want a girl With uninterupted prosperity Who uses a machete To cut through red tape  
  
With fingernails That shine like justice   
  
And a voice that is dark Like tinted glass  
  
She is fast and thorough And sharp as a tack   
  
She's touring the facility And picking up slack  
  
I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnnng....lonnng jacket"  
  
Jeff stops for a seond to catch his breath.  
  
"So thats what you want in a girl?" Matt asked. Jeff put his hand out toshut Matt up.  
  
"Im not done yet! Im just catching my breath!"   
  
"Oh..." Matt said with a sigh. Jeff grinned and started to sing again.  
  
"I want a girl With a smooth liquidation  
  
I want a girl With good dividends   
  
And at the city bank  
  
We will meet accidentally  
  
We'll start to talk   
  
When she borrows my pen  
  
She wants a car With a cup holder arm rest  
  
She wants a car That will get her there  
  
She's changing her name From Kitty to Karen  
  
She's trading her MG For a white Chrysler LeBaron  
  
I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnngggggggggjacket"  
  
After getting that last part out Jeff collapased on the couch. Matt and Lita just looked at him oddly.  
  
"Jeff I hate to break it to you..." Lita said. "But you will NEVER find a girl with all of that!" At that moment Trish walked in.  
  
"Im back!" She squeeled with glee.  
  
"NO!!!" Matt and Lita both said at the same time.  
  
"TRISH WAHOO!!! THE PERFECT GIRL!!!" Jeff yelled with excitement Matt and Lita gave Jeff a shocked look.  
  
"HER!?!" Matt said.  
  
"HELL YEAH!" Jeff said grinning ear to ear.  
  
"BUT JEFF SHE DOSESNT HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANTED THAT YOU SAID IN THAT SONG A MINUTE AGO!!!"  
  
"Oh contrare Matt....She does have one thing...The most important thing!" Jeff said  
  
"& that is?" Matt asked. Jeff smiled, jumped up and walked over to Trish.  
  
"Notice the Short skirt...& lonnnnnnnnngggggg jacket!" He said still grinning.  
  
"You gotta be kidding us!" Lita said.  
  
  
  
"Nope! Now if you guy will excuse us Im taking my lady to a fancy resturant!" Jeff said putting his arm around Trish.  
  
"YOU MEAN IT JEFF!?!" Trish said excited.  
  
"Yup! TACO BELL!!!" Jeff yelled. Trish jumped up and down with glee.  
  
"I LOVE TACO BELL!!!!" Trish said as they both walked out of the room. Leaving Matt and Lita alone.  
  
"Matt....whos dumber? Trish or Jeff?" Lita asked with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"I dont know...I guess the blonde thing is working against both of them....but you know what....there both so stupid they deserve each other!" Matt said crossing his arms.  
  
"Matt! How can you say that! Jeff and Trish!? Hes your brother for god sakes!"  
  
"Lita do you want to argue or suck face!?" Matt said. Litas face brighten up.  
  
"Suck face of corse!" She said, and So Matt and Lita sucked face while Jeff and Trish ate at the most fancy resturant on the globe....  
  
THE END!!!  
  
Yes.....Jeff and Trish really are that dumb. Anyways what did you think? Please review.  
  
LaTerZ  
  
-T Bond 


End file.
